It's not easy 'buying' friends, i.e. people to talk to who will listen without expecting things I'm just not capable of at the moment. But it's what everybody's advising me to do, free-of-charge and paid 'friends' alike, like that grievance counsellor I let go in summer.
It's not easy, cause the professionals come either incompetent or so good that they don't have any time, and the ones I do find I am hard pressed to pay, with both my husband and me living off my unemployment benefit, which, as one of the 'proper' friends seemed to point out lately, I don't deserve in the first place.
Usually, I'm sure, one would turn to family in times like these, alas, my parents don't understand me even when I'm well, my brother chucks me out of his house, my husband is depressed and my children are dead.
So now I'm off to my old doc, one of those paid friends, to see if he can somehow support me in trying to finish this course so the last 5 months have not been completely for the bin.